FETA Christmas Party 2015

FETA held its annual Christmas Party on Thursday, January 8, 2015 (using the typically-late Greek calendar, the 2014 party was held in 2015, let's not be sticklers for detail...)

A big shout out to Sistas E-Kat and LambrOuzo for organizing a most excellent event.  The great food and awesome atmosphere were enjoyed by a capacity crowd.

Once again, FETA extends its most sincere thanks to our generous sponsors:

Foley & Mansfield
Gordon Rees Scully Mansukhani 
Kaufman Dolowich Voluck 
Marshall Dennehey Warner Coleman & Goggin 
McManus & Richter 
Wilson, Elser, Moskowitz, Edleman & Dicker.

Without further adieu, here are some photos of the evening: 

A full house packed Anassa Taverna for the FETA Christmas Party. 

BroHoleFoods, one of our newer FETAns, quickly blended in (with the wall).  He was, however, seen speaking to someone later in the evening.  It was a waiter (BroHoleFoods was asking for directions to the men's.) We're sure he'll make some FETA friends over time... 

PowerBroKardashian getting ready to strip down to reprise Kim Karadashian's famous "Break The Internet" pose with a bottle of ouzo.          

BroScaryFaces was kind enough to model the bathing suit he wore for the New Year's Day Polar Bear Swim fundraiser for his son's school. The teddy bear will be up for auction next month for those who are interested.  

  

BroDandelion and SistaChristmas show how Greeks in the Chicago 'hood get their dance on.

SunnySideUp Sparano, BroTedBundy, SistaEstelleGetty and Coal Cracker Andy pose for a photo while Andy makes like a true gentleman and rests his arm on his colleague's head. BroTedBundy is furtively making the "OK" sign over Andy's shoulder.  We don't know what that means but it can't be good.    

Here's our annual close-up of BroKambo.  Many FETAns blow up this photo and post it in their garden to keep rodents away.  It's also great for posting on your front door to scare off Trick-Or-Treaters if you don't feel like buying candy on Halloween.   

BroDandelion, confusing his calendar a bit, wore his Halloween tie.  You can see how interested SistaE-Kat is in watching the Chicago version of a traditional Greek dance.  

SistasE-Kat and LambrOuzo delight in showing guest George Clooney how to cut a vasilopita.  Not pictured: Amal Alamuddin Clooney.  

SistaChristmas reacts to the news that Zurich will be cutting her firm's hourly rate by 20%.  Note: The "2015" decoration on the vasilopita was created by celebrity guest baker Stevie Wonder. 

Sistas LambrOuzo and Christmas playfully re-enact the Nicole Brown Simpson/Ron Goldman murders, always a staple of any wholesome Christmas celebration.  

Bros Dandelion and Zach and SistaDemitasse yuk it up with an unidentified official from the Chinese Embassy.  Oh, wait, that may be BroScaryFaces.  Brooklyn has apparently just joined Colorado and the State of Washington in legalizing marijuana.  This may explain the bathing suit.     

BroPsychos, clearly distraught that his celebrity actress wife couldn't attend the party, tries to make the best of a difficult situation.  

BroDandelion claps encouragement as PowerBroKardashian (left) awaits a flattened refrigerator box in order to perform a break dancing routine (circa 1982.) Not pictured: Sugar Hill Gang cassette tape playing on a boom box off to the left.  

Sistas MookieWilson and GeorgiaPeach flank BroTeddyBear.  This blurry photo was taken with a recycled 7-11 surveillance camera.  Bigfoot appears in the background over BroTeddyBear's right shoulder.

This photo needs no caption.  Or if it does, it's not getting one.  Sorry.   

BroZach and SistaChristmas discuss who their pets and dead relatives will vote for in the next Chicago municipal elections. 

BroTedBundy Kouridis, due to a communications mix-up, mistakenly thought he was dressing for the FETA "Pretend You're Going On A High School Class Ski Trip" Party.  With things not going so well in his insurance career, BroTedBundy asks the waiter if Anassa Taverna has any openings.  Bad Sign: When the waiter is better dressed than you are.   

SistaKing, BroScaryFaces, BroNeilDiamond and SistaE-Fabulous discuss the state of the economy in Greece.  Apparently BroScary also mistakenly received the FETA High School Ski Trip email.

BroTSA, Michael Kaufmanopoulos and SistaE-Kat look great in dark lighting!  BTW, BroTSA may have taken his FETA nickname a bit too far when he tried to pat down all the ladies...

OK, at this point The SEC has more important, work-related things to do and is tired of writing these captions, so you'll just have to enjoy the rest of the photos sans captions (with a few exceptions), sorry!

SistaMookieWilson's shirt enjoys a nice sip of pinot noir courtesy of SistaChristmas.  

BroFotoShop explains the benefits of his firm's superior broking capabilities in worker's comp and boiler-and-machinery coverage...ZZZzzzzz.  Not pictured: The two people on the floor who fell asleep.  The woman pictured only lasted 20 seconds more.

SistaLambrOuzo shows off her highly-coveted FETA iPhone case.  BroFlowerPower schemes to steal it (he is an attorney after all...)

SistaPopi was asked to calm down after this outburst. It appears that she may be asleep, no doubt due to more of BroFotoShop's worker's comp talk.  Her car, the SistaPopi Mobile, which she frequently rides in while participating in parades, is equipped with bullet proof glass.  Hopefully you get the Pope references by now.    

Congrats to SistaLambrOuzo who is with child (and, in this photo, with a childish man.)

Norman Bates stopped by for a few minutes. 

Despite a restraining order prohibiting her from being within 100 yards of the Supreme Executive Commander, Jennifer Aniston nonetheless crashes the FETA Christmas Party.  Being a nice guy, the SEC will not notify the authorities this time.  

That's it for this year's recap kids.

Here's to a great 2015 for all FETAns and their families and to a fun and productive year of FETA networking! 

FETA 2014 Christmas Party Photos!

On Thursday, January 9, 2014, FETA held its annual Christmas Party. People flew in from all corners of the U.S. to attend this swanky soiree, as you'd expect.

Kudos to SistaE-Katniss Everdeen Diamantis, SistaSophieLambrOuzo and SistaChristmas/KwanzaaChristos for putting together a truly impressive event with great food and drink.

Also, a heartfelt thanks and loud shout out to the law firm of Foley & Mansfield (click HERE  for more information on the firm), the sole sponsor of the event.

Here are some photos (the G-Rated ones, anyway) from the event for your viewing pleasure:

BroTedBundyStefas yuks it up with one of his childhood idols, SistaMookieWilsonMoukides.  She looked a bit different when she played for the New York Mets in the 1980s (although that's the same turtleneck she wore during Game 6 of the 1986 World Series). 

 SistaChristmas/Kwaanza striking a pose for the paparazzi and trying to decide whether to hurl those plates like a discus champ or merely smash them on the ground. 

 Looks like SistaChristmas/Kwanzaa decided to smash the plates on the heads of SistaE-Katniss and SistaLambrOuzo (luckily she didn't, although a number of lawyers in the room rushed forward hoping to represent the potential victims and the Claims professionals were already denying the claims.)

Sponsa It Ain't Ova Vedova (D'Vedova back in the Old Country), BroKambo, Sponsa Lisa The Lamm Lies Down on Broadway Bachmann Turner Overdrive and Party Crasher Extraordinaire Geo (where was Security?) ham it up for the camera.  As you might be able to guess, Geo produced that outfit earlier in the day using his 3D printer (except for the purple sweater, which was borrowed from Barney.)    

We invited George Stephanopoulos to appear at the party (honest) through connections of BroZach's, but we never got a response (BroZach was used to this from his dating days) so SistaEveAnn Casablanca stepped up for FETA by bringing ABC's Wolf Blitzer to the party.  Yasou Sista Casablanca! 

Renown insurance broker John Kerns of Beecher Carlson's New York office also showed up at the party as a distinguished non-FETAn guest.  For some reason he kept trying to interview everyone. 

The crowd watches in amazement as SistaChristmas/Kwanzaa breakdances on the bar (off camera) 

Another crowd shot, this one with BroWhitewaterRafting featured prominently.  As you can see, he cuts his own hair.  Bravo!  

BroKambo may not be smart, but he can lift heavy things.  Here he shows off the big muscles gained from doing many repetitions of 12-ounce curls. 

 BroJimmy and BroKambo enjoy the special protections of federal law as certified FETArds. Here pictured without their standard helmets (hey, it was a party, we let them go free-skull.) 

 Apparently, SistaEveAnn Casablanca has a lot of celebrity connections.  In addition to Wolf Blitzer, she also showed up with George Clooney.  What a handsome man!

 

This is the vasilopita (sort of like an American King Cake) that SistaE-Katniss lugged for our pleasure from Astoria, Queens.  Notice the "2014" baked into it. If you're unfamiliar with a vasilopita, you can click HERE for more details.  In Greece, it's traditional to hide a coin in the cake.  Whoever gets the slice with the coin must pay income taxes during that year.  Usually they just pay the value of the coin.  

SistaChristmas/Kwanzaa about to break two glasses. Kellari Taverna asked her to never return. 

 PowerBroKarDashian Kardaras and BroJimmy pose in the finals of the "Biggest FETA Forehead Contest." Two drive-in movies were projected on their foreheads later in the evening (after the helicopters landed.)

BroKambo reprises Artistole's famous 323 BC speech wherein Aristotle called for free wifi for everyone in Greece. Like Aristotle, BroKambo prefers to wear his pajama shirt to evening events so that he can get to bed more quickly upon returning home.  

 BroTrafficCone Diaconis wows Sponsas Lisa and Virginia with tales of fidelity claims gone bad. Zzzzzzz...I'm getting bored just looking at the photo.....

 Next victim of a fidelity claim story: SistaLambrOuzo.  Invisible thought bubble above her head: "Someone save me before I nod off!"

George Clooney hams it up with SistaEllaFitzgerald.  Trivia: That's the tie he wore in "Oceans Eleven."

 BroZach had just flown in from a meeting with his newest client, a legal pot dispensary in Colorado.

The Sistas Ella Fitzgerald and Casablanca reprise their Vogue cover shot of March 2010.

Sista Estelle Getty is thrilled to have escaped Pittsburgh for the evening and its dour non-NFL playoff citizenry. Meanwhile, the paparazzi hound the Supreme Executive Commander as he takes this photo.

SistaE-Katniss Everdeen and BroZach share a laugh with Wolf Blitzer over the situation in the Middle East.

Sista LambrOuzo is thinking exactly what you're thinking at the moment: When it this going to be over?  Well it is now.  Thanks again to the good Sistas for organizing and to Foley & Mansfield for sponsoring.  We hope to see you all at the next FETA event.  Yasou! 

It Comes in a Tube

LG's dad is on the right, circa 1958.

LG's father emigrated to the United States from Greece in the 1950s. His first job was working for his uncle, also a Greek immigrant, who owned a diner/coffee shop on Lexington Avenue in Manhattan. LG's dad started out washing dishes but, over time, he learned the diner business inside-out and went on to own at least seven diners of his own (LG may have missed one or two in his count.)

Being a blue collar worker, you'd think LG's dad was pretty handy with tools.

He wasn't. Not in the least.

He was, however, very talented at running diners. He had all the requisite skills. He picked good locations. He knew shrewd strategies for negotiating with suppliers, hiring and retaining help, and hiding cash income from the IRS. In short, he had a special aptitude for the diner business. LG's father could also cook up a storm. But, for all of his blue collar-ness, LG's dad wasn't handy. Whenever he assembled something pursuant to a set of directions, vital parts would, without fail, be left over.

Who really needs handlebars and a second wheel on a bike anyway? It's now a unicycle, enjoy!

LG's father's lack of handyman skills must've been especially vexing to him in light of the fact that his younger brother, LG's Uncle Leo, became a highly-skilled carpenter after arriving in America. Uncle Leo owned a successful contracting business in the United States for about 40 years. He was a perfectionist and everything he built reflected that.

Now, switching gears for just a second, here are some everyday products that come in tubes:

Whenever LG's father came to an impasse during a repair or assembly project around the house, usually caused by his lack of expertise, his fallback remedy was to send LG to the hardware store for some magical, yet-to-be-invented item that, invariably, "Comes in a tube" according to what he'd tell LG.

If you saw the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," you know that Nia Vardalos's dad used Windex as a panacea for all the world's ills. LG wishes it was that simple with his father. Keeping an ample supply of Windex on hand would've been easy. But, no, that's not how it was in LG's house.

Here are some examples of how LG's father would invoke the Miracle of the Magic Tube. The heavy Greek accent is hard to replicate in writing, so you'll have to use your imagination:

"Boy! Boy! [He usually called LG "Boy!" reserving his real name, Lazarus, for times of anger.]

Boy! Gee Gee Christ, this window won't open. Go to de hardware store, they have a new thing to loosen windows, it comes in a tube."

So, off LG would go, in search of the Magic Tube.

Believe it or not, the hardware store never specifically had "Window Loosener" in a tube, but they did have some type of oil. But that was an easy one, LG is just warming up. Moving on to the next level....

"Boy! Boy! The boat won't start. Go to de hardware store, they have boat starter. It comes in a tube."

That's not actually a picture of one of LG's father's boats, but it's not too far off. His last boat was bigger than this, but, of course, that only meant it caused bigger headaches. And, if you're wondering, there is no such thing as "Boat Starter" in a tube. LG could write an entire book on his father and boating, but that will have to wait [If you're interested, you can read a tale about LG's father and boating by clicking HERE]

It was, of course, embarrassing to ask for these tubes of crazy products that LG knew didn't exist, but he had little choice. His father had sent him on a mission. LG eventually developed a method of asking the clerk for these items that furtively included a denial in the question.

"You don't carry a tube of anything that will repair a broken lawn mower engine, do you? No? I didn't think so, I was just checking, thanks..."

LG's father's cure-all Tube Mania seemed to grow stronger as time went on. He was never discouraged by the fact that there was never a product "In a tube" to fix his latest repair problem. He persevered because he always believed in his heart of hearts that there was "A New Thing In A Tube" to handle the latest task at hand. What perplexed LG most, in that pre-internet era, was where his father was reading about these supposedly new miracle products In A Tube. LG was pretty sure that advances in technology weren't discussed in the only periodical that his father regularly read, The Daily Racing Form.

Eventually, LG's father was sending him to pick up Miracle Tubes that could repair home appliances, fix transistor radios, fill driveway potholes, replace leaky plumbing and, even, regenerate limbs.

Add caption

The mechanical arm pictured here, LG believes, came from a tube. Or, rather, it would have if his father had his way. In a perfect world, LG's father would've worked for General Electric. or NASA in the Innovation Department.


Whenever LG would return from the hardware store empty handed -- his father never went himself, as you've probably gathered -- the failure would be attributed to LG's poor search skills. It never occurred to LG's father that this product didn't actually exist. And, of course, the lazy American stock clerk's own incompetence was a contributing factor.

That's the abbreviated story of LG's father and the Magic Tubes. All of this bending over the keyboard has stiffened LG's back quite a bit. He's going out to buy some Ben Gay for his muscles.

LG thinks it comes in a tube.